For the online version of this article, go to: www.coolkidschannel.com/e-tips/bully_film
I attended a press screening of the documentary Bully on March 27. The film opens in theaters this Friday, April 13. The film gives us a window into the lives of youth dealing with bullying. It is no surprise to know that youth can be cruel. Having the opportunity to observe the positive qualities of the youth being treated disrespectfully highlights the cruelty. Alex is funny, gentle, and loyal. Kelby is articulate and her parents communicate their parental dilemmas and care for their daughter. The intimate view into the lives of the bullied illustrates that no person deserves to be treated disrespectfully while highlighting the complexity of addressing bullying in schools. It is true, we are not doing enough. But, what are we not doing enough of? Telling youth to “be nice?” We need more than just anti-bullying programs.
In the film, we observe complicating factors associated with bullying including more violence and suicide. We observe serious mistreatment of peers:
- Name-calling
- Physical harm
- Exclusion
- Cruel pranks
We don’t see every facet of the issue of bullying as it relates to home and school. Limited time is spent exploring the struggle that schools take on to address bullying. All adults are responsible for dealing with bullying and we must work together. The film includes conflict between schools and parents about how bullying is being addressed. Attacking bullying means collaborating creatively, not blaming critically. It means being open rather than closed, responsive rather than defensive. We need to develop a more comprehensive approach to creating safe, positive learning environments. Schools don’t just need to work harder to deal with bullying, they need to work smarter.
Responding to bullying requires more than just talking about bullying. We must address school climate, teacher treatment of students, and staff attitudes. Our approach must be consistent and constant. It must involve visible emphases and every day interactions. Addressing bullying is also necessary to academic performance. Learning does not effectively happen in an unsafe environment.
We need adults who will help youth learn how to give respect rather than just telling them to give respect and who will show them through their actions what respect looks like. We need adults who will talk with children, not just to children. Teaching skills for life prepares children for working with others through a wide variety of conflicts and personality differences. There will always be people who may attempt to manipulate situations for their own gain. No person is perfect, but others may live by different values. Whatever the reason, they may not have a kind regard for the feelings of others.
The film addresses bullying in secondary schools. The content and subject matter is intense even for high schoolers. The film does demonstrate the importance of not avoiding issues of bullying and suicide. While we do not want to deny that children can be very cruel, the content is not appropriate for elementary age children. Parents need to be aware of what is happening in their children’s lives. This sounds like an obvious understatement, but I am afraid that parents often check out either due to a lack of proper priorities or skills.
Take this opportunity whether you view the film or not to discuss bullying with your children. Get the facts from your children and ask them what they can do to deal with bullying at their school.
- What examples of bullying do you see at school?
- How do kids seeing the bullying respond?
- What can you do when you see bullying happening?
Encouraging respect is needed in schools, the workplace, and homes. Mistreatment of others occurs across our society at all ages. Learning skills for handling conflicts, managing emotions, creating positive interactions, and having empathy can replace cruel actions intended to harm. We all need awareness of the feelings and needs of others – empathy that is missing throughout the bullying scenes in Bully.
My challenge to children and teens is this: What if a camera followed you recording your words about others and actions towards others? My challenge to schools is this: What if a camera were recording staff interactions in responding to bullying? My challenge to parents is this: What if a camera were recording your responses to your children’s discussions about matters involving bullying? What would the cameras capture among students, school staff members, and parents? Would we see acceptance? Would we see support for each other? Would we see problem-solving? What are you going to do to replace rudeness, disrespect, or cruelty with respect and kindness in your home and school?
Dr. Brad Schwall, Cool Communications LLC, www.coolkidschannel.com Permission granted for distribution of this article.
Dr. Schwall produces guidance lessons, videos, and parenting tips for schools to help schools and parents create safe, positive learning environments. For information on receiving Cool Kids resources, go to www.coolkidschannel.com.