There is no simple solution to the the issue of dishonesty or lying. Truly, mankind has been struggling with this issue since the Garden of Eden. To this day, dishonesty is prevalent among students, but I think it is also important to understand that there are a number of reasons why kids lie. For some children, it is difficult to discern the difference between fantasy and reality. In these cases, kids seem to “embellish” or “distort” their stories. In other cases, kids struggle because they perceive the cost of truth to be too high. These are often cases where kids are operating out of a sense of fear. Consequently, they deny they have done something (i.e. Did you hit your brother?) or falsely claim to have done something (i.e. Did you put your backpack away?). Finally, there are some kids who lie because of insecurity. These are often the kids who fabricate stories about themselves or make up stories about other kids as a means of “impressing” someone.
In any case, it is difficult to know how to respond as a mentor. Certainly, we desire for kids to work toward being truthful. To that end, there are some things that might be helpful. First and most important, the relationship with the child needs to communicate security. In other words, it is helpful for mentors to create an environment where the child is accepted and loved unconditionally. A child needs to feel comfortable sharing thoughts and feelings. Even so, it is appropriate to discuss the importance of truthfulness. This can be done in a variety of ways, but it is often best to depersonalize the topic a bit. Reading a story about a child (or animal) who struggles to be truthful can be helpful. It will be easier for a child to talk about “someone else” who might have this problem. In this instance, it can be helpful to ask trigger questions like, “I wonder how (Billy’s) friend felt when (Billy) lied?” or “I wonder if (Billy) was afraid of being truthful? Why do you think he might be afraid?”
Dr. Emilie